There are days in the middle of your life that you just need one person who will listen to your struggles without judgement. Growing up, I called my mom a lot. I would call her every day when I got home from school if she didn’t pick me up to tell her about my day. In high school I would text her between classes just to say hi. In college, I called her every time I was walking somewhere on campus and texted her randomly throughout the day. Our first call of the day would consist of her trying to convince me to wear something other than leggings or workout shorts and a t shirt to class. Throughout the day we’d talk about various things. How class or work went, whatever drama had come up during the day, or what I should do about any life changing decisions. I always knew she’d pick up the phone and listen to whatever I needed to talk to her about. Until one day she didn’t.
“Call your mama
Sit and listen to her small town drama
And get you all caught up on all your sisters and your brothers
Boy listen to your mother
‘Cause you ain’t never gonna get another
Someone you get to call your mama
And do it while you can
Even when you don’t wanna
‘Cause there’s gonna come a day
The good Lord’s gonna
Call your mama
He’s gonna call your mama.”- Seth Ennis
The day she didn’t pick up the phone was the day she died. She had been sick for aboutsix weeks and no matter how bad she felt, she had continued to pick upthephone and talk to me about whatever I needed to, even if it was hard lifestuff.
For the past almost eight and a half years, I haven’t been able to pick up the phone and call her. Through the rest of college, grad school, getting married, and starting my career, Ihave not been able to bounce ideas off of her and that’s been tough.Instead, I am forced to think to myself “What would Debbi do?” Sometimes when I think this, I do the opposite and sometimes when I ask myself this question, I do what she would have done. The beauty behind all the sadness thatI experienced, is I grew into my own person. I am able to make choices I want to make, but I miss those phone calls.
There are many times I want to pick up my phone and call her to ask her what would be best or just to let me vent. These times have been increasing recently and I have found myself not only crippled by my anxiety of the situation itself, but then when I have the realization that most people my age are still calling their parents for many things, I also get tackled by grief.
So what do I do? Well yesterday I decided to listen to a new “Feels” playlist on my Spotify on the way into work, start writing this blog post to process all of my thoughts, and had breakfast with a friend. Then once my work day officially started, I was thrown into the depths of work and I was fine the rest of the day. Yesterday, I just needed distractions after I allowed myself to feel what I needed to feel on my way to work. Sometimes, distractions work and I’m glad yesterday was one of those days.
What are things that work for you on sudden grief days? I’d love for you to share them!